Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
