watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
