Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
