i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im holly from the hills drunk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
