He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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