my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
