So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
