he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
