The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
