I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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