if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize