a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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