A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
