I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
