I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
