I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
