Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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