Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up under a house in Key West
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
