I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
