woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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