i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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