Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
be right there i have to get my cape
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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