Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
