Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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