I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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