# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
