I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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