She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
