It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
