I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
