Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
