The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
