i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
