i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
