apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
