From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
