how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We're too hungover to prance.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize