Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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