At least make sure they are 18
Why
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
