why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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