Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
operation have a gay friend backfired
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
