Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
