Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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