Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
