Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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