but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
