My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my being single is dangerous.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
40s are totally the cure
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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