So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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