I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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