ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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