The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
