You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
