Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
how drunk are you?
Several
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
