You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
