Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
