WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
