I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
