the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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