we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize