She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
