Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
