bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
