Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
