No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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