i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
