He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
