wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
