He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize